You've never met any celebrities.
"Vacation" means going to Valleyfair.
All vacations are in-state, and "up-nort"
You've seen all the biggest bands - ten years after they were popular.
You measure distance in minutes.
You know several people who have hit a deer.
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.
Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to town I wanna go with."
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.
You think that deer season opener is a national holiday.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".
You know all 4 seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
You know if another Minnesotan is from southern, middle or northern Minnesota as soon as they open their mouth.
You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Minnesota friends.
Down south to you means Iowa.
Snow tires came standard on your car.
75% of your graduating class went to the University of Minnesota.
People from other states love to hear you say words with O's in them.
You hate Fargo but realize that a lot of your family has that accent.
You assume when you say "Twin Cities" people know to where you're referring.
You own an icehouse, snowmobile, and a 4-wheel drive vehicle.
You know that when it comes to AM, there is only WCCO; besides, what else do you need?
Everyone you know has a cabin.
You consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping the food will swim by.
You are proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because "the Falls" is the coldest spot in the nation.
You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."
You're a card-carrying member of both the NRA and the ACLU.
Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.
You have no concept of public transportation.
You instinctively walk like a penguin for three months out of the year.
Someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there.
You know more than one person that has hit a deer.
Your dad's sun tan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead.
You have apologized to a telemarketer.
You may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk.
You know what and where Mille Lacs is and how to spell it.
Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a Minnesota car.
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
You have either a pet or a child named "Kirby."
Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
You have had an entire telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks, to fish, or to buy beer on Sunday.
You know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, and Shakopee.
You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert.
You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.
You drink POP, not SODA.
Every January, from age 2 to l3, you let your older siblings talk you into putting your tongue on a steel post.
You consider Lime Jell-O a highly versatile food: a breakfast dish when filled with fruit, a salad when it has shredded carrots and a dab of mayonnaise, and a dessert when topped with Dreamwhip.
You never had to rewind any part of "Fargo" because you missed some of the dialogue.
You call highways freeways.
Your town has an annual festival honoring a fruit, vegetable, or ethnic food.
The first time you saw "Grumpy Old Men," you thought it was a documentary.
You can recite, from memory, more than a half-dozen "Ole and Lena" jokes.
Every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and sing, gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters.."
You've gone trick-or-treating in at least 3 feet of snow.
You live in Texas but vacation in Minnesota in January.
You have friends who schedule their wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions.
You are always interested in how the gooofers football team is doing.
Your state pays a bounty for killing the state mascot.
You consider a six inch snowfall a blessing for "the cities" because it provides instant urban renewal.
You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months.
You believe that the Vikings would have won four super bowls by now if they were still playing in Metropolitan Stadium.
You have a town with men foolish enough to play a tackle football snow bowl on the Sunday after Christmas for 37 years in a row.
You believe that rushing out on the lakes with your pick-up in November is nature's way of upgrading the state's gene pool.
All your kids at school are above average.
All your women are strong.
You like to come in out of the sun when the temperature gets above 72.
You believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor under your seat.
You have a nickname for your chain saw and you pat it on the fuel tank at the end of a hard day's sawing.
Someone mentions Old Hubie or the Humph, and you know exactly who they mean.
You like the Winter Olympics better than the Summer Olympics.
You beam with pride when some King or Hollywood super star comes to the Mayo Clinic to save their lives.
You consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course.
You have no "spring" sports season.
You were proud when you turned 12 and got a pair of "5 bucklers" for your birthday.
You have ever thought Michelangelo's statue of David was "indecent."
You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.
Your birthday was in April, and you still got to use the shovel right away.
You go to a high school basketball game, the score is 12-8 at halftime, and you don't think there's anything strange about that.
There are four superstar college basketball players turning pro, and your state's team draws the fifth pick.
You support the preservation of forests, farmland and wetlands because that's where you hunt deer, pheasants and geese.
Your daily meals are breakfast, dinner, and supper.
You believe human beings must all go through a frozen dormant period for four months every year.
You never heard the word mayonnaise until you went to college.
Your local bars still have "The Friday Night Fights" even though boxing is no longer on television.
It makes perfect sense for you to be in-state AND out-state at the same time.
The physician giving a lecture on gastro-intestinal disorders talks about your "tummy."
You firmly believe Bronko Nagurski was the greatest football player that ever lived.
You voted for Mondale.
You know that Kareem, Wilt, Shaq and Alonzo could never have stood up to George Mikan in the paint.
Your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival."
The first time you entered the Metrodome you looked up and said, "Sure could stack a lot of hay bales in here!"
You KNOW there is no such place as Lake Wobegone, but you have drunk St. Wendell's beer.
Your gas station thinks FULL SERVICE means filling your gas tank, washing the windshield, checking the oil and being friendly to the customers.
Your bank has the name of your town included in its name.
You know where the "Iron Range" is.
You praise the parents of the state's top basketball player for pulling him off of the team until his grades improve.
An old lady has ever helped you cross the street.
The temperature in March is above freezing for three days in a row, and you think it's summer.
You think it's best to eat Jello after it's molded.
Your state's most successful college football coach never cuts anyone, lets his quarterback call all the plays, and has no-contact practices.
You laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire east coast.
You understand, and can explain, illegal defense, the infield fly rule, and icing.
Your favorite sport when it's cold outside is played where it's cold inside.
Your neighborhood has a 20-hour parking zone.
You know Ole and Lena personally.
Your state's pro football team always beats the best team, and inevitably loses to the worst.
You thank God every morning for not making you an Iowan.
You believe that bitter cold, a slippery surface and speed go together in a sport and on the Interstate.
You hear that the stock market is up and you think the price of hogs has gained 50 cents per hundred weight.
You think of SPAM as a quality, all-purpose meat product whether served with eggs for breakfast, in a sandwich at noontime, or in a hot-dish for supper.
You remember the thrill of going to the top of the Foshay Tower.
You don't understand why everyone thinks Garrison Keillor is so funny.
75% of your meals contain cream of mushroom soup as a primary ingredient.
You've, on numerous occasions, enjoyed a potluck dinner.
You just love that Old Country Buffet.
Your dog dies, your spouse leaves you, you lose your job, and your car breaks down, all on the same day, and the first thought that comes to your mind is, "It could be worse".
It gets worse.
You only have three spices....Salt, Pepper & Ketchup.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You've spent the last 15 minutes getting your child dressed to play in the snow......and then he says he has to go potty NOW!
You design your halloween costume to fit over your snowmobile suit.
You feel warm and toasty today....the sun is shining and it is only 10 below.
You think everyone from a different state (even Iowa) has an accent.
You find it exciting to stare through a hole in the ice.
You have ten favorite recipes for venison.
You think white rice is exotic and wild rice is a hotdish.
Your husband thinks sexy lingerie is a flannel nightgown with only 8 buttons.
The movie Fargo insulted your intelligence.
You have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week
You know people who pronounce Duluth,"Doo-loot"
Weather is 80% of the conversation
You've been to Fort Snelling on a field trip
You say the Megamall is a tourist trap, yet you go once a month
You know what and where Dinkytown is
Perkins was the only hangout option in your school
You own at least one item that says, "I'd rather be fishing."
You can list all the "Dales"
Mayo is NOT something you put on a sandwich
You may hate Arne for a lot of things, but you'll always love him for canceling school
You call the metro the "Cities"
You can name the two seasons: winter and road repair
You've been to the top of the IDS
You think Lutherans and Catholics are the two major religions of the world
You know what "uff-da" means and how to use it in the proper context
You're a loyal Target shopper
You remember WLOL
You never appreciate "Minnesota Nice" until you move away from it
You say "bag" like "beg", or like "BAGel" and dont care!!
You define Summer as three months of bad sledding.
Your definition of a small town is one that only has one bar.
At least 50% of your relatives work on a dairy farm.
You can identify a Duluth accent.
It's pronounced Doo-loot.
You know what "cow-tipping" is.
You learned to drive a tractor before the training wheels were off your bike.
Traveling coast to coast means going from Stillwater to Ortonville.
The "Big Three" means Grain Belt, Hamms & Schmidts.
A brat is something you eat.
You actually miss Rudy Perpich.
You have no problem spelling Minneapolis.
You got a passport to go to Wisconsin.
You don't have a coughing fit from one sip of "Old Milky".
Your radio dial is "locked" onto 'CCO.
You know what a bubbler is.
The snow on your roof in August weighs more than you do.
Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
You think there should be a "FBI go home" bumper sticker on every car north of Rochester.
A Friday night out is taking your girlfriend shining for deer.
You go out for fish fry on every Friday.
You go to work in a snowsuit in the morning and return home wearing shorts.
When you tell someone where you are from and they say: "I thought that was part of Canada."
Your idea of the seasons is Winter, Spring and the 4th of July.
You know how to polka.
You've had the opportunity to run into the cornfields to escape the police.
Formal wear is a flannel shirt, blue jeans and a baseball cap.
You have to go to Florida to get a tan in August.
You define "swimming season" as "first week in August."
Your 4th of July Family Picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
Your sports teams are "The Twinkies" and "The Queens."
You have more fishing poles than teeth.
You decided to have a picnic this summer because it fell on a weekend.
You need a second garage to store your "stuff."
When you talk "opener," you're not talking about cans.
You've got a bass boat, a speed boat, a canoe, and a pontoon.
Happiness is owning a "piece of lakeshore."
You don't mind state taxes because of the "quality of life."
Your major sports events are the high-school hockey and basketball tournaments.
You go "home" (to the farm) for Christmas, Thanksgiving, and harvest.